By Anna McDonald, Director of Family Learning
A conversation for families navigating prenuptial agreements with openness, kindness, and a long-term plan for success.
Getting married is an exciting time in life for the newly engaged couple, their families and their loved ones. Great families who stand the test of time through many generations are able to welcome and incorporate new spouses as a pivotal and important part of the family.
However, few conversations feel more at odds with the joy of an engagement than talking about a prenuptial agreement. The families who do it well share a common approach: they lead with generosity, not self-protection.
A prenuptial agreement is, at its core, a legally binding and private contract between two people that defines how they will handle finances and assets if their marriage ends in divorce or death. Every state already provides a legal baseline of rights for married couples. A prenuptial agreement is simply a way to adjust those defaults — sometimes allocating more, sometimes less — based on the couple’s own values and circumstances.
“Open-handedness and generosity go a long way. Protect only what you need to protect.”
Start the conversation early — and make it normal.
One of the most common mistakes families make is waiting until after an engagement to raise the subject. By that point, emotions are high, timelines may be compressed, and what should feel like a thoughtful conversation can instead feel like an ambush. The earlier these conversations happen — even as children begin dating seriously — the more naturally they fit into a family’s broader financial story.
“Start the conversation early and lead with love for the family you’re becoming, not just the assets you’re protecting.”
You don’t need to reveal every detail of an estate plan or assets at this stage. Instead, offer a general picture—“here’s what our family has built, and why protecting it matters”—to plant seeds of understanding long before a ring appears. Children who learn early about prenups benefit from that foreknowledge rather than being surprised after an engagement has happened.
What needs to be disclosed?
For a prenuptial agreement to be least likely to be contested, both parties must be able to make an informed decision about what they are agreeing to in the prenuptial agreement. That means financial disclosure — income, assets, and business interests — is not optional. Courts have consistently held that a waiver of rights requires knowing what those rights are and what is being given up.
There are practical implications to making an informed decision. If someone entering the agreement wasn’t made aware of the full picture, the agreement may be vulnerable to challenge in courts years later. Working with experienced legal counsel on both sides — and ensuring both parties have independent representation and adequate time to review — is essential to creating a quality agreement.
When assets are already in trust
Families with well-established estate plans sometimes assume a prenup is unnecessary. In some cases, that may be true — irrevocable trusts with institutional trustees can offer meaningful protection on their own. But there are important exceptions. Some states have treated trust assets as accessible to a divorcing spouse simply because a beneficiary had the right to withdraw from them, even if they never did. A prenup that addresses inheritance, gifts, and income on separate property can close those gaps and the agreement does not need to be complicated to be effective.
Simple is better
The most durable prenuptial agreements are simple ones. A couple signing at the age of 28 cannot fully anticipate life at the age of 45 — children, illness, career changes, and any number of unexpected life changes. An agreement that tries to address every scenario often ends up creating more confusion than clarity. The better approach is to identify the core issue you need to protect and address that specifically, leaving the rest to unfold naturally.
Perhaps most importantly, the agreement should be honored in practice. How accounts are titled, how assets are managed, and whether financial decisions align with what was signed matter to the courts to uphold the agreement. A prenup that is contradicted by years of mismanaging cash flow and behavior that doesn’t follow the agreement becomes very difficult to enforce.
The spirit behind the document
Most importantly, the families who navigate prenuptial agreements with the most effectiveness are those who treat prenups as part of a larger conversation about family values and legacy, not as a defensive measure. Protect what needs protecting but begin from a place of generosity.
A candid talk incorporating aspects of what the family has built and why a prenup matters, paired with genuinely generous terms, goes a long way toward making a new spouse feel included and welcomed to the family.
Your Moneta advisor can help you navigate the process of introducing a prenuptial agreement to your family in a way that aligns with your long-term goals.
Frequently Asked Questions
Before an engagement, not after. One of the most common mistakes families make is waiting until after the ring appears — by that point, emotions are high, timelines may be compressed, and what should feel like a thoughtful conversation can instead feel like an ambush. The earlier these conversations happen, even as children begin dating seriously, the more naturally they fit into the family’s broader financial story.
Financial disclosure is not optional. For a prenuptial agreement to be least likely to be contested, both parties must be able to make an informed decision about what they are agreeing to. That means disclosing income, assets, and business interests. Courts have consistently held that a waiver of rights requires knowing what those rights are and what is being given up. If someone entering the agreement wasn’t made aware of the full picture, it may be vulnerable to challenge years later.
No. A well-crafted prenuptial agreement can also clarify how assets and inheritance are handled at death, making it a natural complement to a comprehensive estate plan rather than a separate document.
Not always, but often yes. Irrevocable trusts with institutional trustees can offer meaningful protection on their own — but there are important exceptions. Some states have treated trust assets as accessible to a divorcing spouse simply because a beneficiary had the right to withdraw from them, even if they never did. A prenuptial agreement that addresses inheritance, gifts, and income on separate property can close those gaps in ways a trust structure alone may not.
Keep it simple, and honor it in practice. The most durable prenuptial agreements focus on the core issues that genuinely need protecting. Equally important is how the couple manages their finances afterward — how accounts are titled, how assets are managed, and whether day-to-day financial decisions align with what was signed. An agreement contradicted by years of financial behavior that doesn’t follow it becomes very difficult to enforce.
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